Ryan Lythall’s Ramblings

R.I.P. George Carlin

It’s been almost a week since my last post. Some parts of my week are like a blur to me, but I’ll try to recap everything the best that I can.

Last Saturday was the regionals for Boccia. The day was freakin nuts and not just because I got up at 5:30 in the morning.

I arrived just before 8 with my Coffee and my Boccia gear. It was interesting seeing the staff and athletes arrive. I also got to see all the setting up that was involved. It was pretty overwhelming for a new guy like myself.

My games started shortly after 9 am and I had no real break until 3 PM. They had me face some of the finest players in Canada, which was a bit intimidating. I somehow managed to hold my own against them and a few even complimented me, which meant a lot to me actually.

I didn’t win any games that day, but managed to win some ends. There’s 4 ends in an actual game. My last game was heartbreaking. I came back from trailing 2-0 to make it 3-2 for me. The score was tied 3-3 after 3 ends, but he managed to score 3 points and I loss 6-3.

After that game, I was PISSED. Not to the point that I was telling people off, but pretty close. I was better once I left and cooled off. My Wife had arrived by then and gave me a massage’ on the sidelines.

After over an hour of waiting for my next game, they told me that there was no time for my last game. It would instead be played on Wednesday night, but she didn’t show up. After playing 5 games non-stop, my day was over.

As I mentioned earlier, I didn’t win any actual games on Saturday. When I showed up for practice on Wednesday, I was informed that I was invited to another Tournament in July in Scarborough, Ontario.

My actual reaction to this was simply asking how. How did I manage to qualify without winning a single game? Apparently I impressed the right people with my playing, plus they need more players.

Ok…sounds good

Now I just need to see if it’s paid for and I’m off to Scarborough in July for the Ontario ParaSports Games.

I now firmly believe that a bizarro world exists.

The only problem is that it throws a potential wrench in to my trip to Montreal, but we’ll see.

After Boccia practice, I headed to Yuk Yuk’s to do my Comedy. There was a heckler in the crowd, which always makes things interesting. I managed to shut them up and had a good solid set.

What can I say? I lead a double life I guess.

It’s Victoria Day Weekend here this weekend. I think we’re supposed to honour a beaver named Victoria that wore a crown. Yup, that’s what we celebrate, folks. Put that image in your head.

Other notes:

– My Wife & I spent all Saturday evening in my bed relaxing, talking, and looking at my old photo albums.

– My Sister dropped by on Tuesday with my Nephew. It’s too bad she wasn’t in town longer.

– My Wife & I attended the Tulip Festival on Sunday and went to the International Village. Welcome to Ottawa, suckers! WE LOVE TULIPS WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH! We hope you like unbloomed flowers. My Wife disturbed a vendor at the Mexico tent by saying that I wanted to buy a wrestling mask and wear it during sex. True story. We’re now banned from Mexico.

– Despite my new bed, I still enjoy sleeping in. I’m not lazy, I’m energetically challenged.

– Karma sounds like a good name for a stripper. I wonder if she’d pay YOU back instead or screw you? Something to think about.

Well that’s it for now. I hope you enjoyed reading this.

See you soon, Blog fans.

Sorry but not much time to post.

Been busy practicing and gearing up for tomorrow’s (Saturday) Boccia Tournament.

I’ve been practicing Boccia all afternoon.

The regionals are this Saturday and I’m determined to do well.

I even canceled plans to see a movie to go see a movie with my Wife and her friend tonight.

I guess I’d rather practice playing with my balls.

Wish me luck, folks.

Last night was pretty interesting.

We went to see Salman Rushdie talk about his views on the World and Religion.

We arrived around 7:30 and the thing started just after 8.

We had tickets for reserved seating, which was worth $75 and near the front. There was no way for me to get there due to stairs. They covered their ass by offering my Wife a chair by the stairs instead. The chair was broken, so we had to get another.

I don’t care if we won the $75 tickets. They don’t know if we paid for them or not. They could’ve at least been a little more respectful, but that’s my opinion.

Much to my surprised (not really) there was no wheelchair accessible bathroom. Not that I’m a drinker anymore, but a glass of Wine would’ve been really good. Over two hours later, I was really glad that I didn’t drink because I really had to pee.

This is just my opinion, but if the festival wants to spend all that money to import a tent from Belgium, they may wanna see if disabled people can enjoy it as much as anyone else.

I guess they don’t expect disabled people to afford $75 or want to have some fun under the big top.

We’re poor crippled folks, ya know?

It’s good to see that the “Rosa Parks — back of the bus” mentality has become “disabled person — back of the room” mentality.

I even would’ve had a hard time meeting him because the meet and greet on stage. I’m sure he would’ve came to us, but it was late anyways. Apparently, he was staring at me for awhile before he went on stage. It could’ve been interesting if we had met.

Tonight, I’m going to Rehab to play Boccia. The Regional Tournament is this Saturday from 9-4. I’m kinda nervous/anxious, but hopefully it’ll go well.

I can’t believe how good I slept.

I fell asleep just after 3 am and I was out like a light. Around 7:30, I started waking up, but once I saw the time, I passed out again.

At 10, I woke up to make a call and started my day. So far, my day has consisted of laundry. My Wife & I are heading out tonight to a classy event.

We will be attending “An Evening With Salman Rushdie”. He’s an extremely contreversial author that wrote The Satanic Verses.

To be perfectly honest, I don’t really know that much about him. She won the tickets so I decided to go with her. I’m mostly going to this in order to be seen by Ottawa’s elite. It sounds snobby, but I think it’s good to get cultured and see/meet people that you wouldn’t normally get to see.

My Wife surprised me by buying me floor lamps for my newly designed bedroom. After that, we “baptised” my new bed.

Yep, we’re classy folks.

Stay classy, Blog fans.

I’m tired but here’s a rundown of my day.

8:30 am — Woke up

8:50 am — Bed store called to say they’ll be here between 12-3.

9:30 am — Coffee

10:30 am — Deconstruction of my old bed begins with help from the super.

11:15 am — Old bed is out of my place and in pieces.

11:30 am — New room design begins with moving tv and computer stands.

12:45 pm — Bed company arrives

1:00 pm — Bed’s installed

2:00 pm — Finished minor rearranging

2:15 pm — Break

2:50 pm — Called cable company to find out how to rehook digital tv box.

3:30 pm — Attempt at napping, but didn’t go well due to people calling. I LOVE the bed.

8:00 pm — My Wife called and said she got me a surprise at IKEA.

8:30 pm — Ending this post.

My new bed will be here tomorrow and I can’t wait.

Tomorrow will also mark my 100th post on here.

You’re only a day away.

It turrns out that my hospital bed won’t be leaving until Monday now.

Two large beds in my 1 bedroom apartment will be interesting.

I went shopping at Canadian Tire today. The store just opened a few days ago and it’s freakin huge.

I just bought a few things that I’ll need for my new bed.

I guess I’ll be back tomorrow.

Hello Blog Fans

It’s the end of another week here. I hope you all had a good one.

Most of my week was taken up by clearing out my room to prepare for my new bed. Luckily, the weather’s been crappy, so I don’t feel so bad.

I’ve also started making plans for my trip to Montreal in July. Up until last year, I didn’t really like the city. After taking a few days to explore and see some shows, I started to like it.

My first time there was around 1987. I was 12 years old and went there for a few days with my classmates. I remember going down the streets seeing billboards with naked women on there. I remember asking a Teacher why there were so many naked women. Her response was that they were selling french love.

Many years later, I discovered french love in a strip club in Montreal. It was $50, but at least I didn’t get a rash. No poutine included.

I returned to Montreal around 1998 and that was horrible and it was just a day trip.

In the span of nine hours, I took a wrong turn and ended up in the gay part of the city. My map blew away. I got yelled at by a French guy and saw 2 homeless women fighting by the harbour. The only fun part was the strip club, but she thought I was American.

I decided to give it another chance in 2007. We headed there for the Just For Laughs Festival. We stayed in a Hotel, saw a few shows, dined out. I returned two more times last summer.

Well that’s it for now.

I may not be around this weekend due to the fact that I’ll be without a bed for a day or 2.

We’ll see

Have a good one.

My bedroom is becoming emptier each and every day.

Monday’s the day when my new bed arrives.

The big deal for me is this will be my first real bed. For my whole life now, my bed has always been a single hospital bed. Now, at 33 years of age, I’m finally getting a double bed.

Up until almost 18 months ago, my Wife used to have to sleep on an air matress anytime she slept at my place.

In fact, the first time we slept the whole night together was when we were in Toronto and stayed in a Hotel.

That was the Summer of 2006 and we met in April 2004. Come to think of it, we didn’t sleep that night.

To some that makes us religious, but trust me, we’re not.

This weekend, I’ll be shopping for bedroom stuff and perhaps a few things for our July trip to Montreal.

Nothing much happening today.

Sorry for my small posts recently.

I promise to write more next time.

On Tuesday, I spent most of the day cleaning out my bedroom to make room for my new bed.

My new bed will be arriving this coming Monday.

I decided to get some fresh air yesterday, but I ended up paying for it.

By the time I got home, I had a severe headache and neck pain.

My Wife gave me a massage and I took some drugs, herbal tea, and a good night’s sleep.

I feel pretty much back to normal today.

Unfortunately, the weather’s pretty crappy for this week, but I guess the rest will do me good.

At least until I become restless.

I got sick last night.

My Wife gave me a pill and crushed it up into maple syrup.

I started feeling better shortly after and slept like a baby.

I’m not 100% better, but the worse is over I think.

Runny nose + Headache = No post today

I’ve been with my Wife for about 4 years now, which is by far the longest that I’ve been with someone.

Certain things happen or come up that make me wonder how women function.

Some of you probably remember the Seinfeld episodes where George is engaged to a woman. Her name escapes me right now. One of the scenes that always sticks out in my mind is where George is telling Jerry about how she’s killing independent George. It’s a classic Seinfeld moment, but I never thought that I’d relate to.

I’m about to mention something that most guys can probably understand.

Going shopping with your sig other.

I really don’t understand the allure for women, unless it’s some type of torture test.

On Friday night, I picked up my Wife from work and headed downtown for a few hours. Everything was going well and we even stopped somewhere for dinner.

I kinda had this false hope that despite the fact that we’re near a mall, there’d be no shopping or window shopping involved. Right now, a lot of you are probably thinking that I’m an idiot.

Yes, yes I am.

Literally moments after entering the mall, she says to me, Ryan, I want to go look at bras. In my head, I’m thinking this is awesome and we finally have something in common and a common goal.

I quickly realized where I was and where she was taking me. I walked in behind her and I’m surrounded by bras. Bras on CLOTHING racks, bras on hangers, and bras on headless mannequins. Not exactly the same visual that I had before entering the store.

She decides that she wants to try one on. Again, what’s going on in my head isn’t what was about to happen in reality. I’m thinking that I’d go in and watch her try it on and give her the thumbs up.

Wrong

The changeroom was right next to a cashier, so no thumbs up or anything else up for me. Before she enters, she said oh I might be 5-10 minutes in there.

Uh huh

Ten-Fifteen minutes later, she exits and says no. During that time, I’m driving around the aisle trying to picture myself in Hawaii or anywhere that has women without bras. I guess it’s not often that Bra sellers see a disabled guy in a 500 pound chair cruising around. One lady came up to me and asked if I needed help. For a split second, I thought of saying that I have man boobs and that they needed to feel secure in a bra. Instead, I said what many guys have probably told her in the past.

No thanks, I’m waiting for my Wife.

We left the store soon after and headed home.

I just barely managed to send in the form for the Boccia Tournament on May 10th.

Hopefully everything will be fine.

More tomorrow

So my chair controls decided to screw up today. Luckily (kinda) it’s just the part that controls my mouse for my pc. I can still drive my chair and can use the pc, but with using an actual mouse instead. Long story short, it’s harder for me to type and do certain things online.

I was supposed to play Boccia, but was told that my tech guy would come look at my chair. The guy never showed and it started raining. So no Boccia for me tonight.

Speaking of Boccia, the regional tournament is happening on May 10th in Ottawa. The top 3 finishers in each division move on to the Provincials. From my understanding, there’s not many in my division, so hopefully that means that I’ll be able to get a spot. I think that would be really cool. If that happens, I get to start touring parts of Ontario. If I can’t tour as a Comedian, at least I’ll be touring as an Athlete part of a team.

That sounded really freakin weird to me.

In other news, the lineup for the 2008 Cisco Systems Bluesfest was announced and it’s not bad actually.

Here’s SOME of the acts coming.

James Taylor; Steely Dan; The Tragically Hip; Feist; Wyclef Jean; The Black Crowes; Fergie; Widespread Panic; Brian Wilson; Great Big Sea; Boz Scaggs; Three Days Grace; TV on the Radio; Akon; Primus; Zappa Plays Zappa; Taj Mahal; Lucinda Williams; Donna Summer; Plain White T’s; Richard Thompson; Matthew Good and His Band; Don McLean; Keb’ Mo’; Robert Randolph and the Family Band; Theory of a Dead Man; Blind Boys of Alabama; Joan Armatrading; Jakob Dylan; Dr. John; Canned Heat; The Secret Machines; Corb Lund, Metric; Calexico; Sean Kingston; The Weakerthans; The Wailers; Johnny Winter; Cassandra Wilson; Kathleen Edwards; Adrian Belew; Bettye LaVette; Shelby Lynne; Wintersleep; Allen Toussaint; Sam Roberts Band; Ray Davies; Martha Wainwright; Master Musicians of Jajouka; Tony D; JW-Jones; Shawn Tavernier; Jose Gonzalez; Michael Jerome Browne; Fiftymen; Amanda Rheaume; Ball & Chain & The Wreckers; Jim Bryson; The Hammerheads; Alexis O’Hara; Budos Band; Ana Muira; Cooper Brothers; Quarter Life; Steve Marriner; Watters Brothers Rebellion; Royal Wood; Lindsay Ferguson; Samuel James; Jeff Rogers; Evil Farm Children; Anders Drerup; Kid Beyond; Guy Forsyth; Guitar Shorty; Roxanne Potvin; Orchestra Baobab; Sonny Landreth; Guy Davis; Seun Kuti; Dave Bidini Band;  Christine Fellows; Trevor Alguire; Anders Osborne; Samuel James; Harper; Angelique Kidjo; Back Door Slam; Justin Rutledge; Jon Amor; Michael Burks; Chuck Prophet; Eric Eggleston; Brothers Chaffey; Theory of a Dead Man; NQ Arbuckle; Nick Moss & The Flip Tops; Crooked Still; Ladytron; JJ Grey & Mofro; Lil’ Brian Terry & the Zydeco Travelers; Becky Abbott; Hayden; Luke Doucet; Jenn Grant; Guy Forsyth; Krueger Brothers; Elliot Brood; The Holmes Brothers; Nation Beat; Tom Wilson; Otis Taylor Band; The Super Fantastics; Don Vappie; The Bluerunners; Pappy Johns Band; Digging Roots with Hoop Dancer, Jill Buckshot; Sandy Schofield; Billy Joe Green, Mumbo Jumbo Voodoo Combo; The Sauce Boss; Anson Funderburgh & The Rockets; That 1 Guy; David Maxwell; Justin Nozuka; Terry Gillespie; Hollerado; Infected Mushroom; James Blood Ulmer; Terry Evans; The Acorn; HiLoTrons; L’il Ed & The Blues Imperials; Hamell on Trial; Bryan Lee & the Blues Power Band; Chuck Prophet; Catherine Russell; Federico Aubele; Frank Vignola; Rachid Taha; Becky Abbott; Pierre Bensusan; Jully Black; Born Ruffians; Jason Collett; Lil’ Dave Thompson; Tokyo Police Club; The Most Serene Republic; Dorit Chrysler; Jason Ricci & New Blood; Stars; Eric Eggleston; John Nemeth; John Allaire; Harry Manx & Kevin Breit; Lurrie Bell; Nappy Brown; Walter Trout; Rozasia; Hayden; Bernard Allison; Sadie Hell; Ben Cooper; Plants and Animals; Lurrie Bell; Melissa Ferrick; Eli ‘Paperboy’ Reed; Three Days Grace; The Dynamites; Brights; Brothers Chaffey; Acres; Nikkii Yanofsky; Balkan Beat Box; Steve Riley & The Mamou Playboys; The Love Machine; Jesse Stewart; If Then Do; Shelby Lynne; Ryan Montbleu Band; World Gospel Jam with Canton Jones, Sharon Riley & Faith Chorale, Sonz of Thunder, Danny Eason, God’s Plan Ministry, New World Son, and Shirley Ceasar; John Kilduff; Porkbelly Futures; Red Volkaert with Cindy Cashdollar; Shakura; Gina Sicilia; Blues in the Schools Performance; Jam Clinic; John Henrys; Grupo Fantasma; The Bush Pilots; Stars; Rozasia; Debbie Davies; Harrison Kennedy; Trevor James and Perfect Gentlemen; Lance Anderson; Nihilist Spasm Band; Baobab Tree and Akpokli; Mr Something Something, Jetplanes of Abraham

The event takes place here in Ottawa, Canada at Lebreton Flats from July 3-13.

For more information, please go to http://www.ottawabluesfest.ca/en/index.php

Last year, I was actually part of the planning process. They changed venues and I wanted to make sure that it would be wheelchair accessible. Myself and another long time Bluesfest fan went to meet the organizers to discuss our concerns about the site. By the time it started, all was set up beautifully and as far as I know, no problems came up. We didn’t get paid or anything, but that’s cool. I was proud just to be a part of it and hopefully it’ll stay that way for years to come.

It’s funny how life can seemingly give you an odd feeling of uncomfortness and sense of feeling confused.

Some are probably thinking “Well duh, Ryan, welcome to the real world.”

Perhaps I’ll finish that thought later…

or maybe not.